OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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