I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
