he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
