It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
