i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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