I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
