just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
