Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
