I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just had sex bonerless
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
