I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
