apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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