is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
