definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
