Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
