what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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