As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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