its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
