I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
