Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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