The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
