Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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