need another drink. this is the easiest way
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
