every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
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