were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
