im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
