and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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