DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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