I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
