i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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