I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
