ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The air was thick with penises
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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