I murdered the dance floor call the cops
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
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