My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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