I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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