i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
