What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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