Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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