my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
