wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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