She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
