Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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