Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
