i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
