we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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