I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
