If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
