So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
