And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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