I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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