So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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