Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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