You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Randomize
