woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
