oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
