im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
