I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
