If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
