Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
