You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
