You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
