yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
