You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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