i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
