puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
