shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
