textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
