i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
