His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
